The Most Common Mistake I See in Online Dating Photos

If there’s one mistake I see over and over again with online dating photos, it’s that people add images to their profile by going through whatever photos happen to be on their phone that maybe they could make work. This almost always results in mediocre photos with poor image quality, unflattering lighting, and weird crops, and gives people the wrong message about you and your interests. Potential dates are left wondering if the phantom arm around you is a sister or an ex-girlfriend. Are you drinking beer out of a trophy because your rec softball team won the championship, or is it because you still act like you’re in college 15 years later/maybe you have a drinking problem? Mediocre photos will get you mediocre matches every single time—and who wants to waste their time, money, and energy on mediocre dates?

Instead, you should build a portfolio of intentionally created photos that are flattering, show you as you are or as you aspire to be, highlight your personal interests and attract people with similar ones (or at a minimum, give them some easy conversation-starting questions to ask), and have been reviewed and approved by people who don’t know you as being your strongest images.

This is where working with a professional photographer makes a huge difference. It puts you in control of what story your images tell and you can rely on the photographer’s expertise to make you look your best.

If you’ve ever had to write your own “About Me” paragraph, you know how hard it can be to get the tone just right—you don’t want to undersell yourself, but you also don’t want to come across as too full of yourself either. Maybe there are 20 great things about yourself that you could highlight, but if you only have space for five, which five should those be? The same principle applies to selecting photos to use in your online dating profile. You (and your friends and family for that matter) have insider knowledge about you, which means you aren’t the best ones to judge how you’ll be perceived by strangers. For this very reason, I include an image review by a panel of past online dating clients for all of my clients so they’ll know exactly which photos from their session will perform best. If you don’t have something like that at your disposal, the website Photofeeler is a great option (only upload photos to your online dating profile that receive a score of at least 7.0 in one or more of the three categories).

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Casual Styling Tips for a Virtual Date for Men

I find that one of the biggest pain points for my clients after they book their photoshoot is figuring out what to wear. That’s why I brought on an expert personal stylist, Kim Steele, to my team to help my online dating clients select the exact outfits to wear at their photoshoot that will flatter them, photograph well, and accurately reflect their own style or a style they’d like to embrace.

Unfortunately, the stress of figuring out what to wear isn’t unique to photoshoots. With so many first dates taking place online these days due to COVID-19, I asked Kim to share some of her best styling tips on how to look your best on a Zoom date.

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So, you’re a guy getting ready for a casual virtual date—now, what should you wear? It’s important to keep in mind that YOU should be the focal point, not your clothing. In this post, I am going to walk you through how to make styling choices that will make you feel and look confident but also won’t upstage you in the process. 

Let's start with casual clothing staples that every guy should have in their closet:

1. A great fitting pair of mid to dark-wash jeans. I find slim fit or straight leg to be the most flattering.

2. A selection of at least three solid-colored crew-neck t-shirts in black, grey, and white (t-shirts are amazing layering pieces and a cornerstone to many great looks).

3. A casual button-down shirt (a minimum of one, but two or three are even better). This can be a simple plaid, solid-colored, or another subtle pattern. Long sleeves in a cotton fabric work best and give you a lot of bang as you can wear them almost all year round.

4. A solid-colored, long-sleeved Henley shirt (again, at least one, if not two or three). Just like with the casual button-down, you’ll get lots of use out of these as you can wear them alone or layered with a zip-front hoodie or even a flannel shirt.

5. A great casual shoe. Okay, yes, chances are your virtual date will not see them, but with the great first impression you’re going to make, they’ll eventually want to meet and you’ll have your look nailed down from head to toe! 

6. A casual slip-on boot works with all the other clothing items mentioned above and makes for a great finishing touch.

Here is a look inspired from the list above with links to purchase: dark washed jeans with a grey t-shirt underneath a long-sleeved grey and white plaid shirt worn with black Chukka boots.

This is an easygoing look that will represent well on your virtual date as well in-person. With the basics suggested above, you can mix and match to create all kinds of combinations. With the basics suggested above, you can mix and match to create all kinds of combinations. This is only the tip of the iceberg of discovering how to best represent yourself to the world!

Hair and Grooming

So we’ve addressed the clothing basics. Let’s talk about hair and grooming. If you are sitting in front of a computer screen for this date, your face and hair are really front and center. This is the place to put in a little extra time and effort!  

Have you thought about changing up your look? Talk about a great time to road test a new haircut or facial hair! Right now, a popular style for men’s hair is a cut tight on the sides and back with some extra length on top and then styled with product to pull the look together. I know some of you might have chosen to sport longer hair along with a beard and mustache in the pandemic, but maybe for the new year, it's out with the old and in with the new! After all, it’s hair we are talking here and it will grow back if you don’t end up loving your new look. It’s a good idea to see your barber or hairdresser every four to six weeks, depending on the look you aspire to. It's also an opportunity to shape up your brows as well! Yes, really. There are many ways to go about this such as waxing, threading, or tweezing, and some hair professionals are willing to trim brows as well.

Using a bit of product at the start of your day can make all the difference in the world. Do you really need to use hair product? Yes, you do. It gives you a more polished look and also conveys to your date that you put in that extra effort to look your best for your date. Since this is a more casual date you're getting ready for, I’m going to keep it simple with a suggestion for a product that will make your hair look (and smell!) amazing.

Skincare

Now let's discuss skincare, which is not just for the ladies. I am not suggesting you need to fill your medicine cabinet with products for your face, but you do need to have a regimen that cleans your face and protects your skin so that you will continue to look fantastic for years to come. I recommend a facial wash and moisturizer with SPF as an easy fix for your daily needs.

final thoughts

Even if some of these suggestions fall outside of your comfort zone, I encourage you to go ahead and give them a try. I am here to make you look great because if you don’t look great it puts me out of business! I love what I do and take great pride in helping others discover a side of themselves they can’t see.

Here’s to an amazing casual virtual first date! Look out for my next post about how to step up your attire for a formal virtual date. Remember to trust the process and have some fun with this—you’re in for an amazing adventure!

Dating in the Time of COVID

In honor of this month of love and romance, I’m kicking off a series entitled “Love in the Time of COVID.” My team, composed of a personal stylist, hair and makeup artists, and online dating profile writer, and I will share our best tips to help you find love and success in online dating.

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“This was supposed to be the year to meet my special someone…. but then COVID-19 ruined that.”

I’ve sadly heard these words from all too many of my online dating clients, but COVID doesn’t have to mean an end to your dating life. Yes, the number of opportunities to meet someone in person has decreased, but that also means everyone has flocked to online dating sites, so you know exactly where to go to meet everyone else who is single during the pandemic.

While online dating is not new for most people, going on virtual dates via your phone or computer’s camera is a whole new experience. As a professional photographer, my whole job is to make people look good on camera, so I wanted to share my expertise to help you look your best on a virtual date. 

Before you dig into my tips and tricks below, I’d like to acknowledge that this will take a little time and effort. I’m a firm believer that anything worth doing is worth doing right and some of my tips do require some initial work or purchases.  Most of the hard work, however, only needs to be done once and I’m confident that the extra effort will pay dividends in the long run.

If at any point a little voice pops up in your head and tells you it’s not cool to look like you’re trying hard on a date, don’t listen to it. Switch it around—would you be excited to go on a date with someone who seemed unprepared and uninvested in the success of your date? Or who looked less attractive than their photos because of poor lighting, weird camera angles, and a messy, distracting backdrop? No, you wouldn’t. The same applies to you. The care and attention you put into preparing yourself and your environment let your date know you’re a catch and will undoubtedly lead to better dates.

Set the Scene

The first order of business is to choose a location for your virtual date. If your date was actually there with you in person, where would it make sense for you two to sit? In your living room, at the kitchen table, on your patio, etc.? Choose somewhere comfortable and inviting. A word of caution—while your bed might be the most comfortable place for you to sit, setting up there could send an unintended message for a first date.

Once you’ve identified possible date locations, take a look around. Does the background look too busy, cluttered, messy, or perhaps too austere? Don’t be afraid to do a little staging and straightening up. Incorporate some artwork, a bookshelf, or a plant into the background. Be aware of what might be visible in the background—toss those empty water bottles on the counter in the recycling and those dirty socks on the floor in the laundry basket.

Lighting, Lighting, Lighting

Lighting is another important factor to consider as you select your virtual date location. Natural light is always the most flattering, as it evens out skin tone, removes under eye shadows, and decreases the appearance of wrinkles. If your date is taking place during the day, set yourself up facing a window with the camera facing away from the window light. Extra points if you hang a sheer white curtain over the window, which diffuses the light and makes it even more flattering. You want to illuminate your entire face and avoid harsh shadows on either side of your face. You especially want to avoid putting your back to a window as the camera will calibrate for the bright light and turn you into a faceless silhouette. 

Here’s an example of what not to do. My back is to the window…

…which confuses the laptop camera’s automatic brightness adjustment feature and throws my face into shadow.

This pullback shot shows an ideal setup. The laptop camera is eye level and I’m set up facing the window with sheer curtains diffusing the light…

…which creates an evenly lit, flattering light on my face.

If your home doesn’t have great natural light or your date is taking place after the sun has gone down, you’ll have to do a little more to make sure you’re well lit. I recommend investing in a ring light. There are many affordable stand or clip-on cell phone options. As much as you can, avoid mixing light sources as that will create different color temperatures on camera—without getting too technical, it’s not as flattering and will mess with the color of your skin.

Here’s an example of how to set up a ring light stand for evening calls or if you don’t have access to good natural light.

An example of mixed light

While the natural light is preferable, the ring light is still flattering and makes it easy to see what I look like.

An example of harsh light from the side

Ditch the Zoom Background

While a Zoom background can be a good idea for work calls where you don’t want to share as much personal information, the point of a date is to share more about yourself. More importantly, using a Zoom background on a date could be interpreted as an attempt to hide or conceal something.

While you’re in the Zoom settings, go ahead and turn on the “touch up my appearance” filter.

Camera Setup

The most flattering angle is at eye level or just slightly above (especially if you’re worried about a double chin). If you’re using a desktop computer and the webcam is not at eye level, it may be worth investing in a portable webcam that you can set up exactly where you want. If you’re using a laptop, place it on top of a few books or boxes to get the height just right or purchase a laptop stand. If you’re using your phone or iPad, prop it up against something or put it in a cell phone stand.  (Many ring light stands come up with cell phone holders built-in.) 

Eliminate Distractions

We’ve all seen the funny videos of the parent in their towel walking past their child’s virtual school. Don’t let yourself or your date be the butt of that joke—pun intended. If you live with anyone else, let them know you have a video call or put up a do not disturb sign. Feed or take your dog out before the call starts. Turn off or silence desktop or phone notifications, just as you would put your phone on silent for an in-person date. Not only do distractions or unwanted notifications risk interrupting the flow of your date, but they also send the message that your date is not that important.

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Nothing kills the mood like technical difficulties. Give yourself ample time to make sure your software is up to date, your WiFi connection is working, and your phone or computer is fully charged. While you’re at it, grab a charging cable just in case the date runs long and your battery is low. I like to get fully set up at least 15 minutes before “showtime” to make sure I can easily connect and check how I and my background look on camera. 

Go Get ‘Em Tiger!

I hope these tips and tricks help you take your online dating game to the next level! Over the next few weeks, I’ll be sharing tips for men and women from my personal stylist on how to dress for casual and dressy virtual dates!

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If all of this sounds good and you’re ready to start filling your calendar with virtual dates, but you aren’t receiving enough interest in your profile, let me and my team help! The quality of your photos is the biggest determining factor as to whether potential dates swipe right or left. Do your photos show the best, most attractive version of yourself, or could they use some work? We are a full-service photography studio that specializes in taking the best photos you’ve ever seen of yourself to help get you more and better quality matches.